Screw Loose Novels
Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game! • Ch. 13
Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game!Arc 1

Chapter 013: Catacomb Crawler Stage 2: The Bone Dragon

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The afternoon breeze on the Seventh Spire was gentle, rustling the needles of the crooked pine trees.

Down in the cloud sea, the three golden galleons of the merchant guild had long since vanished into the southern horizon, their oars churning the mist in a frantic rush to deliver their precious radish peel to the Imperial capital.

Solitude Spire was quiet once more.

Felix Vance lay back in his porch hammock, his legs dangling lazily over the woven edge.

On the wooden side table beside him, the three High-Grade Sovereign Spirit Stones gleamed with a steady, cool azure radiance. They held down his papers with heavy, stubborn weight. None of the sheets fluttered, even when the mountain wind whistled hard through the eaves.

"Now that," Felix murmured, crossing his hands behind his head, "is what I call peak interior decoration. Clean, functional, and zero maintenance."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the AetherDeck.

The cracked obsidian surface was cool against his fingers. He tapped the brass power notch on the side.

DEV CONSOLE
STANDALONE HOST
[AETHERDECK OS: APP SELECTOR]
1. <STELLAR IDLE: GALAXY CRUSADER> [RUNNING IN BACKGROUND]
Current Yield: 48,000 Cosmic Watts / Second
2. <CATACOMB CRAWLER 8-BIT> [READY TO RESUME]
Progress: Stage 2 Unlocked (Subterranean Frost Vault)
3. <POCKET GARDEN: COZY HARVEST> [LOCKED: REQUIRES LVL 15]
[SELECT APP TO LAUNCH]

Felix tapped option two.

A cheerful, tinny chiptune melody played from the slate’s tiny speaker holes.

*Bleep-bloop-bloop-bzzzt!*

The screen shifted into a charming, pixelated top-down dungeon crawler. In the center of the display stood an 8-bit knight with a blue tunic, a tiny pixel sword, and zero facial features.

A bright red boss warning flashed across the top of the screen:

DEV CONSOLE
STANDALONE HOST
[STAGE 2: THE FROZEN ABYSSAL TRENCH]
BOSS DETECTED: ANCIENT FROST-BONE DRAGON
Boss Level: 75 (Calamity Grade)
HP: [■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■] 50,000 / 50,000
Elemental Affinity: Absolute Abyssal Frost
Special Attack: World-Severing Glacial Breath (Charges: 3s)
[MOVE: D-PAD] [ATTACK: (A)] [ITEM: (B)]

Felix rolled his eyes at the giant health bar.

On the screen, a massive, pixelated dragon made entirely of jagged white ribcages and glowing cyan skull sockets was flapping its skeletal wings, kicking up tiny sprite clouds of pixel snow.

"Fifty thousand hit points," Felix muttered, grimacing. "My basic sword swing does twelve damage. Twelve. That means I’d have to sit here tapping the A button four thousand one hundred and sixty-six times."

He shook his head vigorously.

"No way. That’s how you get carpal tunnel. That’s bad game design. That’s artificial difficulty designed to inflate player engagement metrics."

Felix opened his inventory menu: `[(B) USE ITEM]`.

He scrolled past his rusty starter daggers and minor healing salves until he found a small, round blue icon he had purchased from the daily discount shop for five idle gold coins yesterday:

【Item: Lesser Liquid Nitrogen Frost Bomb】 【Grade: Common Alchemical Consumable】 【Effect: Releases a localized burst of sub-zero cold. Deals 50 Frost Damage.】 【Inspector Note: Intended to freeze small water puddles or chill warm ale. Smells like sulfur. Sells for 1 copper coin.】

Felix stared at the description, then stared at the boss sprite.

A slow, wicked grin spread across his face.

"Wait a minute," Felix whispered. "The boss is an ice-type. Its code checks for elemental affinity during its breath attack animation. If I drop an external ice source directly into its throat hitbox while its breath charging flag is set to true..."

Back on Earth, Felix had spent years studying retro game engine vulnerabilities.

He knew how eight-bit coordinate systems handled signed integers. If you applied an external negative thermal modifier to an entity that was already calculating maximum negative thermal output, the byte counter would underflow.

It wouldn't add damage. It would roll over into a complete crash to desktop.

"Let’s see if these indie devs did their boundary checks," Felix murmured.

On the screen, the Bone Dragon threw its pixel head back. A warning prompt flashed: `[WARNING: BOSS IS CHARGING GLACIAL BREATH!]`

*Three... two... one...*

Felix’s thumb flicked across the slate.

He pressed `(B)`, dragging the little round blue bomb icon directly into the open, flashing maw of the 8-bit dragon.

***

Five thousand miles to the north, at the world's edge, lay the Frost-Severing Abyssal Trench.

It was an endless abyss, shrouded in eternal blizzard gales.

On the rim stood an army of northern cultivators. Grand Paladins gripped frost-blades with white knuckles, while elders chanted defensive wards.

Rising from the pitch-black depths was the nightmare of the northern continents: the Frost-Bone Abyssal Dragon.

Its colossal five-mile skeleton glowed with sickly green necromantic fire. Jagged black ice wings blotted out the sky, and its roar shook continental plates.

"Hold the line!" Grand Inquisitor Drake roared, raising his sun-spear. "If its Glacial Breath reaches the plains, three empires will freeze into tombstones!"

In the trench center, the Bone Dragon coiled its massive neck. Azure flames flared in hollow sockets as it drew in arctic gales, charging world-ending frost mana.

Then, the skybox twitched.

***

There was no sound. There was no explosion.

Directly above the Bone Dragon’s open throat, the empty air simply... unzipped.

A tiny, palm-sized ceramic sphere, glowing with a soft, pale-blue light, tumbled out of a hairline fissure in the fabric of space. It dropped lazily through the howling blizzard, falling straight into the swirling vortex of the dragon’s apocalyptic breath.

*Plop.*

The dragon didn't even notice the foreign object. Its breath was already reaching maximum compression.

Then, the laws of physics shattered.

In the cosmic code of reality, the dragon’s negative temperature counter attempted to calculate: `-273.15°C + (-50°C)`.

The universe’s spiritual registers, unable to process a thermal value below Absolute Zero, instantly hit an arithmetic underflow error.

*FFFFFFFF-CRACK.*

The azure flame in the dragon’s throat did not explode outward. It collapsed inward with the force of an imploding dimension.

A shockwave of absolute, incomprehensible stillness swept across the trench.

In a single microsecond, the temperature of the entire five-mile-long dragon dropped to negative infinity.

The necromantic fire in its eye sockets turned into solid, glassy frost. Its ancient, five-mile-long skeleton locked rigid in mid-air.

Then, a monolithic glacier of pure, indestructible violet ice—measuring twenty leagues wide and ten miles tall—crystallized around the dragon in the blink of an eye.

The apocalyptic Calamity beast was sealed solid, mouth wide open, wings outstretched, immortalized inside a colossal ice cube like an ancient mosquito trapped in amber.

The howling blizzard stopped instantly. The clouds parted, revealing the starry northern sky in dead, pristine silence.

On the cliff edge, Grand Inquisitor Drake dropped his sun-spear into the snow with a dull clatter.

Ten thousand northern cultivators stood motionless, staring at the twenty-mile glacier that had appeared in less than a heartbeat.

"W-what..." Drake whispered, his knees collapsing beneath him. "What manner of power was that?"

Beside him, the High Elder of the Glacial Sun Sect fell to his knees in the drifts, sobbing uncontrollably.

"The Void..." the Elder wept, clawing at the frozen earth. "This wasn't mortal magic! An Ancient Celestial Sovereign from the Primordial Realm saw our plight! With a single casual breath from beyond the firmament, he froze the Calamity itself into eternal slumber! Praise the Silent Lord of the Stars! Praise his incomprehensible mercy!"

Ten thousand warriors dropped their weapons, falling to their knees in the snow, bowing toward the southern skies in weeping, religious ecstasy.

***

Back on Solitude Spire, Felix Vance tapped his AetherDeck screen.

On the display, the 8-bit Bone Dragon sprite turned bright cyan, flashed three times, and shattered into a shower of white pixels.

A triumphant fanfare played through the speaker:

*Da-da-da-DAAA!*

DEV CONSOLE
STANDALONE HOST
[STAGE 2 CLEARED! PERFECT CHEESE VICTORY!]
Damage Dealt: [OVERFLOW ERROR: -2,147,483,648 HP]
Clear Time: 4 Seconds
Rating: ★★★★★ (S-RANK EXPLOIT)
[STAGE 2 BOSS LOOT DROPS]:
• 1x Ancient Glacial Marrow Core
• 1x Bone Dragon’s Siphon Ring
• 120 Idle Gold Coins
[1. CLAIM LOOT] [2. RETURN TO MENU]

Felix grinned.

"I knew it," Felix laughed softly, tapping `[CLAIM LOOT]`. "Classic signed integer overflow. Devs never sanitize their negative bounds. Easiest boss kill of my life."

*Ding-ding-dong!*

A soft chime rang in the air.

With a faint flash of blue light, two objects materialized out of thin air, tumbling straight onto Felix’s lap.

The first was a heavy ring carved from petrified dragon bone, set with a cold, pulsating emerald that absorbed ambient mana.

The second was a foot-long cylinder of translucent, glowing white marrow that radiated a bone-chilling mist, instantly frosting over the hem of Felix’s hemp trousers.

Felix picked up the ring with two fingers, examining it with his Inspector HUD:

【Item: Bone Dragon’s Siphon Ring】 【Grade: Eighth-Tier Calamity Relic】 【Effect: Passively drains the soul essence and mana of any living entity within fifty paces.】 【Inspector Note: Tacky aesthetic. Looks like something an edgy teenager would buy at a mall kiosk. Sells to the junk vendor for 4 copper coins.】

Felix tossed the ring over his shoulder into an old wicker scrap basket behind the rocking chair with a dry *clatter*.

"Tacky," Felix muttered. "Who wants to wear a sharp bone ring? It’d catch on your blanket threads every time you roll over."

Then, he picked up the cylinder of glacial marrow.

【Item: Ancient Glacial Marrow Core】 【Grade: Ninth-Tier Primordial Ice Core】 【Temperature: Minus 200 Degrees Celsius (Perpetual)】 【Inspector Note: Never melts under mortal heat. Cultivators spend three lifetimes seeking a fingernail-sized scrap to temper their icy sword intents. Sells for 6 copper coins.】

Felix’s eyes lit up.

"Wait a second," Felix murmured, feeling the intense, dry cold radiating from the cylinder. "Never melts?"

He swung his legs out of the hammock and walked over to the wooden side table.

There, sitting beside his Sovereign Spirit Stone paperweights, was a large glass pitcher filled with lukewarm well water and three sliced lemons.

Felix casually picked up the ancient, world-freezing Glacial Marrow Core and dunked it straight into the pitcher.

*Sssssssssss.*

Frost immediately blossomed across the outside of the glass. The water turned ice-cold, little crystal swirls dancing between the lemon slices, giving off a crisp, refreshing, citrus-scented vapor.

Felix poured himself a full glass, took a long, blissful sip, and sighed with profound satisfaction.

"Oh, that is crisp," Felix smiled, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Now that is actual utility. Lukewarm lemon water is disgusting. An infinite ice cube? Now that’s what I call a solid drop."

Ten feet away, Lyra Ashford was frozen mid-stride, clutching her twig broom against her chest.

Her eyes were the size of saucers. Her jaw hung slack. Her soul felt as though it were being pulled into an endless cosmic abyss.

*He... he just slew the Calamity Frost Dragon of the Northern Trench,* Lyra thought, her knees shaking so violently she could barely stand. *He didn't even stand up from his hammock. He pressed his finger against his slate, annihilated a five-thousand-year-old disaster with a casual gesture...*

*And now...*

*He is using the Primordial Core of the beast... as an ice cube for his lemonade.*

Tears of terrifying, mind-shattering enlightenment welled in Lyra’s eyes.

*To Senior Brother, the rise and fall of ancient gods is nothing more than a way to chill his afternoon refreshments.*

Felix looked over at her, raising his glass.

"Hey, Lyra," Felix called out mildly. "Want a glass? It’s really cold. The ice machine in this game is surprisingly legit."

Lyra’s breath hitched in her throat. She bowed so low her nose brushed the dust of the porch.

"I... I am unworthy of the Sacred Nectar, Senior Brother!" she squeaked.

Felix took another sip, shaking his head.

"Suit yourself," Felix mumbled. "More for me. Still annoyed about the lack of cabbage seeds, though. Drop rates in Stage Two are completely rigged."

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