At the snap of Pei Xuan’s fingers, Abacus Su stepped right up to the edge of VIP Tub #88.
With a crisp SHWIP-SHWIP-SHWIP, Abacus Su unrolled a yellow paper scroll that was forty feet long, letting it cascade down the marble veranda steps and across the floor like a golden carpet.
“Ahem! Guest #88—formerly known as Supreme Elder Jin Bao of the Golden-Crow Sun Clan!” Abacus Su pushed his brass-rimmed spectacles up his nose, his eyes gleaming like two newly minted coins as he tapped his golden abacus. “Welcome to the Dry-Well Municipal Accounting Office! Your VIP Elderly Back-Scrub, Foot-Soak, Chilled Plum Juice, and four Meat-Potato Pies are completely free of charge under our Senior Citizen Welfare Act!”
Jin Bao blinked, feeling strangely touched. “Free? Even the four pies?”
“Yes, the pies are complimentary!” Abacus Su smiled warmly, then flipped to the forty-foot yellow scroll. “HOWEVER! Prior to arriving at Platform #1, you committed several major violations of the Dry-Well Interstellar Public Utility & Fire Safety Code across Systems 71 through 80! Please listen carefully as I read out your itemized invoice!”
Abacus Su cleared his throat and read at high speed:
“Item One: Five counts of Illegal Fireworks & Attempting to Boil Public Suns Without a Municipal Permit—20 Trillion Grain-Notes per star, subtotal 100 Trillion Grain-Notes! Item Two: Five counts of Driving Unsterilized Rusty Iron Spikes into Public Heating Boilers, requiring emergency valve installation and lemon dish-soap sanitization—15 Trillion Grain-Notes! Item Three: Unauthorized Live-Streaming of Public Bathhouses Without a…
