Screw Loose Novels
Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game! • Ch. 233
Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game!Arc 10

Chapter 233: Pneumatic Melon Diplomacy

1,669 wordsUse ← / → keys to navigate

The pneumatic delivery hatch at the base of the cedar railing hissed open with a cloud of chilled, sweet-smelling vapor.

Felix Vance reached down from his hammock, lifting a large porcelain platter laden with thick, crescent-shaped slices of emerald honeydew melon.

Beside the fruit sat a small bowl of coarse sea salt, two linen napkins, and another handwritten note from Lyra Ashford:

*To Senior Brother: The Solitude Peak Melon Harvest has yielded twenty-four thousand gourds. Nurtured by the hundred-gravity loam and the golden flare runoff of the Dyson Ring, each melon contains pure solar life-nectar. Please partake of heaven's bounty.*

Felix picked up a slice, sprinkled a few grains of salt across the translucent green flesh, and took a crisp, cold bite.

Sweet juice burst across his tongue, locked at an optimal forty-four degrees.

【Sun-Lotus Honeydew Melon (Grade SSS): Sliced fruit harvested from Solitude Peak. Infused with 100G gravity minerals and 432 Hz solar resonance. Restores 100% Stamina, cleanses negative status effects, and extends lifespan by 10,000,000 years. Flavor: Sweet, crisp, chilled.】

"Salt on melon is an elite combination," Felix murmured, chewing happily. "Whoever came up with that in the agriculture update deserves a raise."

He looked over the cedar railing.

Down in the western and eastern waiting lounges, one hundred and twenty cosmic sovereigns sat rigidly in their folding chairs, watching him with wide, unblinking eyes.

Not a whisper broke the silence. Under the strict enforcement of the Five-Decibel Mandate, even their collective breathing sounded like dry autumn leaves rustling across flagstones.

Yet the sheer, desperate longing radiating from their faces was palpable.

To beings who had spent the last three weeks watching their home galaxies dissolve into ash, the fragrance wafting from that single porcelain platter was nothing short of divine torture.

The sweet aroma smelled of eternal life, of uncorrupted starlight, and of ancient fertile gardens that had existed before the first star was kindled.

Sovereign Bai-Chen swallowed so hard his Adam’s apple clicked audibly against his collar, earning him a stern, warning glare from Emperor Heng-Luo.

Felix glanced down at the platter.

There were at least thirty oversized slices piled high on the porcelain dish, and the delivery chute below was capable of launching fifty more platters with a single button press.

Thirty miles below, in the rich garden terraces of Solitude Peak, Lord Nether-Bane was currently wiping sweat from his brow.

Dressed in a coarse hemp gardening apron, the former supreme necromancer lord of the Nine Hells was happily loading fresh melon crates into the pneumatic lift.

"Pack them tight, little ones!" Nether-Bane instructed the apprentice skeletons carefully. "The Sovereign requires fresh fruit for the cosmic assembly! If a single rind is bruised, I shall personally reassign you to the compost heap!"

Up on the porch, Felix rubbed his chin.

"No way I'm eating all this before it gets warm," Felix muttered to Barnaby, who nodded with a tiny click of his brass beak. "And warm melon gets slimy. Might as well clear out the inventory."

He picked up the platter, walked over to the center railing of the porch, and leaned over the cedar balusters.

"Hey," Felix called down, keeping his voice at a reasonable, indoor level. "I’ve got way too much melon up here. If you folks are thirsty, come grab a slice."

The one hundred and twenty ancient sovereigns froze as if hit by lightning.

"Did... did the Sovereign speak to us?" whispered Matriarch Lin, her porcelain hands trembling against her lap.

"He... he offered us the Celestial Fruit of the First Dawn..." Patriarch Yan gasped in a breathless, four-decibel murmur.

Felix set the platter down on the flat, wide top of the central railing, pointing a warning finger at the crowd.

"One slice per person," Felix instructed calmly. "Form a single-file line. Use the napkins in the basket, and whatever you do, do not toss the green rinds over the edge onto the garden. Throw your trash in the wicker bin by the gate."

【Wicker Composting Receptacle: Auto-compacts organic melon rinds into high-grade garden mulch. Storage Capacity: 0/500 Rinds. Please do not dispose of non-biodegradable cosmic relics.】

Emperor Heng-Luo immediately stepped forward, acting as the supreme line marshal.

"Single file!" Heng-Luo whispered with absolute, terrifying military discipline. "Walk with the grace of falling mist! Do not jostle! Do not drop juice upon the cedar! He who soils the deck shall be banished to the void!"

Sovereign Bai-Chen was the first in line.

The great tiger god approached the railing on his knees, his massive claws retracted completely into his velvet pads.

With both hands raised in trembling reverence, he lifted a single crescent slice of chilled green melon from the porcelain platter.

"The gratitude of the White Tiger Galaxy shall endure for ten million epochs, Supreme Lord..." Bai-Chen choked out.

"Yeah, sure, just grab a napkin so it doesn't drip on your robe," Felix said, waving a hand dismissively before walking back toward his hammock.

Bai-Chen crawled back to Chair `#004`, sat down, and looked at the translucent slice of fruit in his paws.

The melon glowed with soft, emerald light.

Tiny veins of liquid gold coursed through the flesh, resonating with the four-hundred-and-thirty-two-hertz heartbeat of the solar Dyson Ring.

Bai-Chen closed his eyes and took a small, reverent bite.

*Crunch.*

A flood of sweet, icy nectar flooded his mouth.

In the next instant, a wave of pure, unblemished life-force tore through Bai-Chen's seventy-two major meridians.

The terrifying injuries his immortal beast-soul had suffered while fleeing through the entropy storm—the frostbite of the void, the internal cracks in his divine core, the five-million-year lifespan deficit—were obliterated in a fraction of a second.

His faded white fur erupted into gleaming, brilliant silver radiance.

His hunched, arthritic spine snapped straight with youthful vigor.

The suffocating karmic rot that had haunted his bloodline since the ancient clan wars dissolved into pure, fragrant vapor, leaving his mind clearer than a glacial mountain pool.

【Guest Status Update: Guest #004 (White Tiger Sovereign Bai-Chen) has experienced [Full Karmic Breakthrough]. Bottleneck cleared. Inner Heart-Demon pacified. Satisfaction Rating: 5 Stars.】

"I... I have broken through..." Bai-Chen wept silently, tears of pure ecstasy dripping off his chin onto his paper napkin. "Nine million years of bottleneck... shattered by half a slice of fruit!"

Next in line was Matriarch Lin of the Eternal Lotus Sect.

She took her slice with trembling elegance, dabbing her lips with a linen napkin before taking a delicate nibble.

The sweet melon juice washed down her throat like liquid starlight.

The deep spiritual poison she had contracted while defending her sect’s ancestral gate from the entropy fiends vanished instantly.

Her cultivation, which had withered to the brink of death, rebounded with the roaring vitality of an ocean tide.

Her porcelain skin flushed with radiant youthful color, and three blooming golden lotus marks ignited upon her forehead.

"The Origin Fruit of Boundless Samsara..." Matriarch Lin whispered, clutching her chest as her soul bowed toward the hammock. "He feeds the dying gods with the nectar of eternal creation, yet asks only that we place our rinds into the wicker bin!"

Patriarch Yan of the Scorched Earth Domain stepped forward next.

For three hundred thousand years, the old fire-cultivator had suffered from burning nether-lung syndrome, coughing up magma whenever he circulated his qi.

He bit into the cold melon slice.

The cooling solar essence washed through his chest like a mountain stream putting out a forest fire.

The burning agony in his lungs smoothed into a refreshing, minty coolness.

He took a deep, full breath of the seventy-two-degree cedar air—the first pain-free breath he had drawn since the fall of his home realm—and fell face-first onto the deck in silent prayer.

One by one, the sixty galactic sovereigns stepped forward, received their slice of melon, and returned to their folding lawn chairs.

Kings who had governed trillions of subjects sat chewing in stunned, weeping silence.

Every bite was a miracle that defied the laws of medicine, alchemy, and heavenly tribulation.

Cultivators who had been seconds away from soul-collapse found their lifespans extended by ten million years.

Ancient elders whose cores had been shattered into gravel watched their dantians reform into brilliant, flawless stellar diamonds.

Yet true to Felix’s command, zero drops of sticky melon juice touched the mountain cedar floorboards.

Every sovereign wiped their chin with extreme care, wrapped their finished rind neatly in their provided napkin, and deposited the trash into the wicker receptacle with the solemn reverence of priests offering sacrifices to the heavens.

Up in his hammock, Felix pulled out his AetherDeck to check his local inventory counts:

DEV CONSOLE
STANDALONE HOST
[AETHERDECK AGRICULTURE LOG: SOLITUDE HARVEST]
Crop: Sun-Lotus Honeydew Melon (Grade: SSS)
Total Stored at Mountain Base: 23,970 Gourds
Slices Distributed: 30 Slices
Remaining Storage Capacity: 99.8% (Overflow Imminent)
Waste Disposal Compliance: 100.0% (Zero Deck Debris)
Notice: Storage silo on Peak 1 is full.
Recommendation: Continue distributing free samples.

Felix tapped his chin thoughtfully.

"Twenty-three thousand gourds sitting in the silo," he murmured. "If Lyra doesn't start giving these away to the neighbors, they’re going to rot in the heat. It’s good to have players cleaning out the stockpile."

He set his empty plate aside, reached for a damp cloth to wipe his sticky fingers, and reclined deep into the unbleached Brazilian cotton weave.

Down in the waiting lounge, one hundred and twenty cosmic sovereigns sat in perfect, radiant silence, their newly restored immortal souls humming in absolute, fanatical devotion to the man sleeping thirty miles above their heads.

Beyond the cedar sunshades, the outer universe was dying in flames and ash.

Here on the porch, surrounded by the scent of fresh melon and mountain cedar, the survivors of the cosmos had found their eternal home.

VIP AccessPatreon Advance Queue

Can't Wait for the Next Chapter?

The entire 10-season, 250-chapter saga is 100% complete! Support Lord Screw Loose on Patreon to read up to 100 chapters ahead, download complete Arc Omnibuses, and get stamped by Chief Inspector Pug.

Unlock Advance Chapters